Last Saturday I got up early. I made myself a coffee and started crying. Stripping the bed made me cry. Putting a load of washing on made me cry. I was a right Royal mess!
So many salty tears on a Saturday morning. I was having a rather emotional episode and struggled to climb my way out of the miserable funk all weekend. Isolation was my only key to surviving.
The universe is dealing out some heavy shit the last week. Have you noticed it? Everyone around me is dealing with utter shittiness and I think the stars, moon and universe have a lot to answer for. According to my moon loving peeps, this is a HUGE transformation period for everyone. We’re between eclipses and this means stormy unexpected sadness and change is meant to ripple through us. It’s weight is heavy and we feel wrapped up and bound to drown in the boiling water of is-this-really-happening crap.
Our instincts tell us to disengage, stay under the doona covers and hide until it’s all over. No amount of meditation, moving my body or watching comedy shows was going to shift this stagnant energy.
Just in my immediate circle I have loved ones dealing with work stress, very sick pets, unprofessional Real Estate agents, fertility woes and the death of a mother.
And me? I’m trying to survive the monster that lives within me when I inject IVF drugs into my stomach.
The Wicked Witch of Emotional Hell resides within me this week.
I’m not sure if I see the silver lining just yet – this IVF Witch is a mother-fuckin’ bitch – but I know the universe and mother nature use this period to teach us. Sometimes we need a gentle reminder to stay still. It’s important to lean into the shittiness; feel it, breathe it, sleep with it. It’s only then that we’ll tune into our instincts and discover what’s best for us. We need to listen to what we need – not be told by our minds what we should do.
Did I survive the weekend? JUST! I chose to succumb to it. (I can be an adult like that sometimes). I cried. I slept. I ate a weeks worth of junk food. I watched The Notebook. I contemplated running away. I cuddled my pooches. I took soothing hot showers. I let my emotions tremble right through me until my body was so exhausted all I could do was curl up, rock myself and let sleep take me away to a better place.
So Honey, if you’re still feeling like an elephant has taken a dump on you, I encourage you to be your own best friend this week. Accept that things are in disarray and be comforted in the fact that this too shall pass. Weeks end. Seasons change. The world continues to spin. You’ll find your feet again and in the mean time you can slow your pace and internalise all you want. Permission granted.