Miley, please close your legs darling

Hey Miley,

It’s me again! Your number #1 prude fan from DownUnder.

Gurl, I just saw some pics of you on the internet this morning that ain’t so sexy. Legs wide open. Pointing to your VJJ.

What’s that about? Sexually frustrated, huh? Geez, you must be missing Liam pretty bad?

I know you’re getting lots of attention and advice lately, but it’s time for some LOVER advice.


Buy a vibrator. Perhaps nab yourself a F*ck Buddy. Whatever you do – DO IT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. Don’t do it on stage darling. It’s hurting my pretty eyes and makes me squirm.

Miley, I actually really like you. You’re talented. You have in your power the influence to shape an entire generation of young women. Opening your legs and pointing at your VJJ ain’t that empowering. It makes people uncomfortable and you’ll probably lose a few more fans again.

So my final bit of advice is to fire your manager, buy a moo moo dress, talk eloquently, only stick you tongue out at Daddy and save the sexy stuff for the bedroom or dungeon. Whatever floats your boat.

Just be Miley. Not theatrical Miley. Trust me, that’s enough …. and sexy as hell.

B xx

Image credit: Cosmopolitan



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