Ten Tips for a Happy Marriage

  1. Don’t be a lazy lover. Keep it fresh. And by fresh, I mean take a shower and consider shaving your pits.
  2. Don’t nag too much. Ask nicely or do it yourself. Nancy Naggers are hated by most people.
  3. Listen without interrupting. Wait, what? I’m really good at this one. Interrupting is my secret weapon!!!
  4. Have your own interests and goals. Jaywalking and outrageous credit card debts shouldn’t be considered.
  5. Don’t be jealous. It’s so uncool and the quickest way to ruin a relationship.
  6. Thank each other for the little things. Like replacing the toilet roll or feeding you pizza when you can’t be arsed to lift your arm.
  7. Apologise and forgive, then let it go. It’s imperative to sing those last 3 words.
  8. Stay FAB and look after your health. Mojitos are a great addition and should be considered seriously.
  9. No sulking. Communicate like an adult. Amy Schumer is a great role model if you need inspiration.
  10. Compliment the shit outta your partner. Say things like “I love you more than Nachos”.

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Look at me getting all sentimental about lovey dovey stuff before bub is born. You should note the disclaimer below.

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Disclaimer: The contents of this article are suitable for humorous people only. You should use these tips at your own risk. The author of this article takes no responsibly for the damage that may happen. In other words, if shit gets real, I’m not liable babe. 

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