What Does Enmeshment Trauma Look Like? Signs of Unhealthy Relationships
As someone who has experienced unhealthy relationships in the past, I know firsthand how damaging they can be to our emotional well-being. One of the most insidious forms of unhealthy relationships is enmeshment, where two people become so intertwined that their individual identities begin to blur together.
Enmeshment trauma can be devastating, leaving scars that run deep and can last for years. But how do you know if you are in an enmeshed relationship, or if someone you care about is struggling with this type of trauma?
In this post, we’ll take a closer look at what enmeshment trauma looks like, including some of the most telling signs of an unhealthy relationship. Whether you are currently in an enmeshed relationship or simply want to help someone who is struggling, this information is a vital step toward healing and moving forward. So, let’s dive in.
What does enmeshment trauma look like?
It is important for people with enmeshment trauma to work with a therapist or other mental health professional to explore these issues. Therapy can help people to develop healthy boundaries, work through feelings of guilt and shame, and learn to prioritize their own well-being while maintaining healthy relationships with others.
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1. Blurred boundaries: People with enmeshment trauma often have difficulty drawing clear boundaries around their personal space and emotions. They may feel responsible for other people’s happiness or feel as though they are responsible for fixing other people’s problems.
2. Need for approval: People with enmeshment trauma often struggle with a deep-seated need for approval and validation from others. This may lead them to compromise their own needs and wants in order to please others, often to the point of sacrificing their own well-being.
3. Difficulty with intimacy: People with enmeshment trauma may struggle with forming healthy, intimate relationships, as they may fear losing their individuality or becoming too intertwined with their partners. They may also struggle with allowing others to get close to them emotionally.
4. Codependent tendencies: Enmeshment trauma can lead to codependency, as people with this experience may feel as though they have to constantly take care of others or meet their needs in order to feel valued and loved.
5. Difficulty with self-care: People with enmeshment trauma often struggle with taking care of themselves and putting their own needs first. They may feel guilty or selfish for doing so, which can lead to burnout or physical and emotional exhaustion. Learning to prioritize self-care is crucial for healing from enmeshment trauma.
Understanding Enmeshment Trauma
Enmeshment is a term used to describe an unhealthy emotional boundary between two people, which often leads to interpersonal difficulties and emotional distress. Enmeshment trauma is an acquired condition that develops in individuals who have experienced unhealthy enmeshment with a parent, family member, or significant other. People with enmeshment trauma typically have an intense fear of abandonment, attachment issues, low self-esteem, and issues with boundaries.
Enmeshment trauma can also manifest as co-dependency and a high need for validation from others. This need for validation can be particularly detrimental as enmeshment trauma sufferers tend to lose sight of their own feelings, thoughts and desires because they are constantly seeking approval from others. Without proper intervention, enmeshment trauma can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders.
Guilt and its Role in Enmeshment Trauma
Guilt is a common feeling among people with enmeshment trauma. They often feel guilty for setting boundaries or prioritizing their own needs because they have been conditioned to prioritize the needs of others. Guilt can be a significant factor that keeps an enmeshment trauma survivor trapped in a state of confusion and indecisiveness.
Many people with enmeshment trauma believe that their guilt is a positive force that ensures they remain in close relationship with others. However, in reality, this guilt only serves to perpetuate the cycle of enmeshment, leading to more self-doubt and confusion.
Examples of Guilt in Enmeshment Trauma:
- Feeling guilty for saying “no” to someone
- Feeling guilty for prioritizing personal interests over others
- Feeling guilty for not being available all the time
- Feeling guilty for expressing your true feelings to someone
The Confusion of Enmeshment Trauma
One of the most significant symptoms of enmeshment trauma is confusion. People with enmeshment trauma often struggle with identifying where their feelings end and where their loved ones’ feelings begin. They often feel confused about who they are, what they want, and what they need. This confusion is a significant obstacle for people with enmeshment trauma who want to break free from the cycle of unhealthy enmeshment.
Signs of Confusion in Enmeshment Trauma:
- Difficulty identifying your emotions
- Feeling like you’re living someone else’s life
- Feeling like you’re trapped in a relationship
- Difficulty making decisions
The Struggle of Decision Making in Enmeshment Trauma
People with enmeshment trauma often struggle with decision-making because they have not learned how to prioritize their own needs. Making decisions involves weighing and balancing options, which is an activity that requires prioritizing one’s own needs and desires. The enmeshment trauma “survivor” may not have had the opportunity to develop this skill because of their past experiences.
When faced with a decision to make, the enmeshment trauma “survivor” is thrown into a state of confusion and second-guessing themselves. They may worry about how their decision will affect the other person and feel guilty for putting their needs first.
The Need to Work Through Guilt in Enmeshment Trauma
To break free from enmeshment trauma, people need to understand that guilt is not serving them well. Instead, guilt keeps people in a relationship that is not healthy for them, perpetuating the cycle of enmeshment.
Working through guilt involves acknowledging the source of the guilt, which is often based on beliefs and messages learned from previous experiences with a person who is enmeshed with them. Over time, the guilt begins to lose its hold, and the enmeshment “survivor” is free to prioritize their needs and desires. This process is an essential step in breaking the cycle of enmeshment and moving towards autonomy.
The Importance of Understanding the Origins of Enmeshment Trauma
To heal from enmeshment trauma, it is essential to understand its origins. Most often, the trauma originates from an unhealthy relationship in childhood, where a parent or significant other was overly involved in the child’s life, creating unhealthy emotional boundaries.
Understanding the origins of enmeshment trauma helps individuals recognize patterns, triggers, and trauma responses. It helps them reframe their experiences and develop a sense of ownership over their lives. This understanding is a vital step in breaking free from enmeshment trauma and developing healthy relationships.
Breaking Free from Enmeshment Trauma
To break free from enmeshment trauma, individuals need to work on developing a sense of self, learning how to set boundaries, and prioritizing their own needs. This process takes time, patience, and support. Therapy is a powerful tool in healing from enmeshment trauma, as it offers individuals a safe space to explore their experiences and work towards individual goals.
Breaking free from enmeshment trauma is not an easy journey, but it is possible. With the right support and understanding, individuals can learn to prioritize their own needs, set healthy emotional boundaries, and develop deep and meaningful relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and love.
