What not to do after an affair? Tips from a relationship expert

What not to do after an affair? Tips from a relationship expert

I have encountered many couples who have been through the trauma of infidelity. It’s not easy, and the wounds can run deep. The aftermath of an affair can be incredibly distressing, and it’s crucial to be delicate with the approach. That said, in my experience, there are certain things that you should avoid doing after an affair, which can make the situation worse and hinder the healing process. Trust me, I’ve seen the damage that can be caused when couples don’t handle this issue with care. So, read on for some tips on what not to do after an affair.

What not to do after an affair?

When a person has been cheated on, it can be difficult to know how to handle the situation. Not only are you dealing with a betrayal of trust, but you’re also likely experiencing a range of negative emotions. While it’s normal to feel hurt, angry, and confused, it’s important to handle the aftermath in a healthy way. Here are some things to avoid doing after an affair:

  • Don’t tell your entire family and all your friends. While it’s important to have a support system, it’s not necessary to involve everyone in your relationship drama.
  • Don’t blast your partner on social media. This is a private matter that doesn’t need to be aired out for all to see.
  • Don’t make life-altering decisions. It’s easy to feel like your world is falling apart after being cheated on, but try to resist the urge to make big decisions while you’re emotional.
  • Don’t place all the blame on the other affair partner. While they certainly share responsibility, your partner made the choice to cheat.
  • Don’t obsess over the other affair partner. It’s important to focus on your own healing and moving forward, rather than fixating on the other person involved.
  • Don’t blame yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you caused your partner to cheat, but remember that it was their choice to act unfaithfully.
  • Don’t think you can recover on your own. Seeking the help of a licensed therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial in navigating the complex emotions that come with being cheated on.
  • By avoiding these common pitfalls, you can begin to heal and move forward after an affair. Remember to take things one day at a time and prioritize self-care and self-compassion in the process.

    ???? Pro Tips:

    1. Do not try to sweep the affair under the rug. Acknowledge the hurt and betrayal caused by the affair and be open to discussing it with your partner.

    2. Do not blame your partner for your actions. Taking accountability for the affair and showing genuine remorse is crucial for repairing trust and rebuilding the relationship.

    3. Do not keep secrets or withhold information from your partner. Honesty and transparency are essential for moving forward and gaining back trust.

    4. Do not rush the healing process. Recovering from an affair can take time and patience from both partners. Allow each other space to process emotions and work through difficult feelings.

    5. Do not ignore the deeper issues in the relationship that may have contributed to the affair. Seek professional help and work together on improving communication, intimacy, and addressing any underlying issues that may have led to the affair.

    What Not to Do After an Affair

    Keep the Affair a Secret from Your Children and Extended Family.

    An affair can be a life-altering event that can create havoc not only in your marriage but also in your extended family relationships. While you should not announce it on your Facebook page, it is crucial to talk to your partner about the possibility of telling your immediate family and children. If your children are old enough to process the information, you could tell them in an age-appropriate manner. For instance, you could say that you and your partner are having a difficult time and are deciding what to do. While it is challenging to keep such a significant event from extended family, it is crucial to remember that involving them could create further complications and increase your anxiety.

    Refrain from Venting on Social Media or Publicly Shaming Your Partner.

    It is tempting to bash your partner on social media when they cheat on you. However, before you do that, pause and reflect on what you hope to achieve by doing so. Would it bring healing, closure, or would it be a tactic to hurt your partner even more? If you need to vent, share with someone you trust or seek therapy. Remember, posting about your relationship problems on social media could have a long-lasting impact on you and your partner and attract unwanted attention.

    It is never a good idea to publicly shame your partner on social media. It could harm your dignity and reputation. Not to mention, it will be out there forever, potentially hurt your job prospects, and create long-lasting damage to your professional and personal relationships.

    Avoid Making Hasty Decisions That Could Affect Your Life Negatively.

    After discovering that your partner cheated, you might be tempted to make life-altering decisions like selling your home, quitting your job, or moving to another city. While it might feel good in the moment, take time to reflect on the consequences of such decisions. Making hasty decisions could be costly, and you could regret it later.

    Remember, it is essential to give yourself time to decide what to do. Consider your emotions, needs, and financial stability before making any significant changes. Seek advice from a trusted therapist, coach, or mentor before making any significant changes in your life.

    Resist Placing All the Blame on the Affair Partner Without Considering Your Partner’s Role.

    It is easier to blame the affair partner for the cheating, but before doing so, consider your partner’s role. Was it an opportunity for them to escape the marriage problems, or were there other personal issues that led them to cheat? It is crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your partner and take responsibility for your role in the affair.

    Don’t shift all the blame on the affair partner. Consider that each party involved has a role to play, and holding them accountable could facilitate healing in your relationship.

    Try Not to Obsess Over the Other Affair Partner or Stalk Them.

    It is normal to be curious about the affair partner and want to know more about them. However, do not obsess over them, or stalk them online or in person. Doing so could make the healing process more complicated and create more emotional wounds.

    Avoid seeking revenge on the affair partner. It is not worth it. Instead, focus on healing yourself and your relationship.

    Refrain from Engaging in Self-Blame or Negative Self-Talk.

    After discovering that your partner has cheated, it is easy to blame yourself and engage in negative self-talk. Self-blame and negative self-talk could lead to depression and anxiety. It is crucial to remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s actions.

    Do not blame yourself or engage in negative self-talk. Instead, focus on healing and figuring out the next steps in your relationship.

    Seek Professional Help and Support Instead of Attempting to Recover Alone.

    Going through an affair could be an emotionally exhausting and confusing experience. It is crucial to seek professional help, whether it be a therapist, coach, or mentor. Professional help can provide you with practical tools to help you navigate the situation and help you heal. Additionally, reaching out to a support group or a trusted friend could also create a sense of community and belonging.

    Remember, you do not need to recover alone. Reach out to someone who can listen, support you, and provide you with practical tools to help you navigate and heal from the affair.


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